im back readers. im not getting any better in fact worse. i cried under my blanket,clearing my throat before answering every single call,tried so hard to laugh and smile just not to let everyone beside me worried about me. when my heart is aching so badly. everyone tell me that i will be fine,ask me to cheer up. but when? they dont know the pain in my heart at all. i have no idea what to do anymore. i cant take this. this is killing me! not been sleeping and eating since yesterday night. each time i close me eyes i can feel he is just beside me. and everytime i end up opening my eyes in tears. in life we really cant make a single mistake. today is sat,mum bought me chicken rice. crying in my room while eating,in order not to let her suspect i tried so hard to swollow down the food but ending up i throwing out everything. i really feel like hugging my mum & ask her what should i do. why would things end up like this? i hate myself so much,why why why? why am i becoming this pathetically? since young i have been so afraid to be being neglect & being alone. all my mum care is my younger bro. so to me,he's already is my family. but now this family of mine leave me. im left wit nothing. have u all ever wonder how will u feel like when u know the only one who loved u in this world leave u? and when this is the second time u encounter this kind of feelings. the impact is double. no matter what u do,all u think of is him. and when u think of him,all u can do is cry. can anyone of u tell me what should i do? time will heal everything is just bullshit.

signing off

wendyisCRAZY_